United Movie Review

‘Is it possible to succeed in both football and love?’ asks the narrator at the start of “United,” a new romantic comedy from Norway. It is a question, I am sure, that a lot of people have asked themselves. Kåre, the hero of this story, is shown at the beginning as a boy, playing football with his rival, Stian. They are both trying to win the heart of Anna, the coach’s daughter. When Kåre learns that Anna is, like him, a Manchester United fan (his hero is Bryan Robson), he gets up the courage to kiss her. It’s a charming opening.

We then join Kåre sixteen years down the line. He has himself tried (and failed) becoming a player for United. He is coaching the local boy’s team now. All the boys are named after Man. U. players, except the geeky one, who is never picked to play, and is named Iversen, after the ‘second rate Tottenham player.’

Kåre is still going out with Anna (although he still hasn’t had the guts to propose to her). She wants to move into a big house with him. He says yes, even though he knows the bank says no. He works at the local shipyard, and the banker won’t give him a loan.

Stian, his childhood nemesis, returns to town. He’s a nasty one. When Kåre is late for a romantic anniversary dinner (he is busy training to get on the local professional team), she goes to him for comfort. He has to win her back, and he enlists the help of the nerdy Iversen.

And then… but, well, you know where this is going. If you think that he doesn’t make the team, loses the girl and ends up unemployed and alcoholic, I suggest you seek counselling.

Yes, it is predictable. But that does not make it bad. The film has a lot of funny moments, and a lot of sweet ones. I liked the board of how good a boyfriend Kåre is that Anna sticks up on their bedroom (the picture at the bottom is of Osama bin Laden, number 1, and the picture at the top is of – who else? – Bryan Robson, number 11). Kåre admits to never really being above a 5.

I also liked the characters; not just Kåre, but the peripheral ones too. Iversen is particularly funny; he can name exactly what E numbers different sweets have, and the effects these will have on your health. The coach of the team Kåre joins, a Russian, is very amusing and eccentric. The banker, too, is not just a plot device; he wants to give Kåre a loan (based, mainly, on his ‘boyish charm’), but he also wants to keep his job.

I knew the ending was coming long before it did – and you will too – but it made me smile nevertheless. Is it conceivable that all those people would be there, just where Kåre needs them to be? And say exactly what he needs them to say? Of course not; however, an ending can be charming even if you find it unlikely.

Perhaps this was just the film I needed to see. So far this Festival, I have seen mindless violence, explicit loveless sex, incest, squid, goats and dogs being killed, and a general despair and hopelessness. A sweet romantic comedy was exactly what I needed, even if it isn’t the best one ever made.

(NB: The film contains the dreaded ‘f-word’ twice – once in a rap song on the radio – and so I hope the BBFC has the guts and good sense to rate the film 12A rather than 15, because it is so perfect for people of around 12 and 13. If you are of that age and are distressed by the f-word, I, once again, recommend you seek counselling.)