Diamond Dogs DVD Review

King of the B-Movie action film, Dolph Lundgren (best known for his role as Captain Ivan Drago in Rocky IV), plays Xander Ronson in the new film, Diamond Dogs.

Xander is a former American Army expatriate turned mercenary and private investigator living in China. Perpetually haunted by the curse a low cash flow, Xander moonlights as a bare-knuckle prizefighter. After partaking in a battle royal, Xander is arrested and put on probation due to his inability to pay his citation.

Xander is soon hired by a group of treasure hunting Americans to serve as their guide and bodyguard as they pursue a long lost artifact. According to legend, during the Soviet Union’s crack-down on all organized religions during the 1930s, a priceless Buddhist artifact called a Tangka was smuggled across the border to China. There its protectors hid it deep within the Mongolian mountains. The artifact is valued at well over $50 million dollars.

Xander and his band of ruffians take off in search of the treasure. While on their journey, they encounter rough terrain and gun-wielding bandits, all of which Xander makes short order of. The group is also being pursued by a band of Russians who, much like the Americans, have the Tangka in their sights.

Soon the treasure seekers find the priceless tangka, but suffer a casualty as a result of a booby trap, a spiked wall that impales one member of the crew and separates Xander from the others.

Assuming that he is dead, and not really taking the time to find out, the rest of the group leaves Xander to his death and return to their base camp. There they find that the Russians have killed the rest of their group and now plan on simply taking the Tangka. Little do they know, a double gun toting Xander is ready to kill them all, complete with sinister snarl on his face. A shootout ensues and both sides suffer heavy casualties. The Russians quickly retreat, mistakenly letting the Tangka fall from the back of their truck. The remaining American treasure hunters take the cursed Tangka with them as they make their way to town.

Diamond Dogs is a difficult and painful film to watch. All of the performances are stiff and wooden. The best performance comes from Dolph, who is not known for his acting abilities. The film suffers from horribly recorded and obvious ADR (assisted dialog re-recordings) throughout most of the film, which really detracts from the story. Even the story is stiff and regimented; every scene is stark and empty in both content and artistic license. Perhaps that is why the film was released direct to DVD.

The only way to make Diamond Dogs entertaining would be to devise a drinking game to accompany the viewing. Perhaps, the viewer should take a shot every time Xander looks through his binoculars, an event that makes up a rather large portion of any driving sequence.

Diamond Dogs is presented in widescreen and features a 5.1 stereo surround soundtrack. The special features include a Making of Diamond Dogs featurette and a digital copy of the film.