Run, Fat Boy, Run (2007) Movie Review

So the fatboy is set to marry the pretty girl. See fatboy, in cold sweat, run away from pregnant girl at the weeding. See obligatory life-goes-on flash-forward to present day where fatboy is miserable, bad at his job, has a messy apartment but gets inspired to win girl back. See typical assy rom-com boyfriend that girl has shacked up. See new-lease-on life fatboy stop smoking to try to win back honor of girl and son. See fatboy train for marathon because marathons always win back girls, despite one's past. See fatboy train with stereotypical Indian neighbor and cliché "wacky" (TM Rhys Ifans) British mate who both have no purpose in life other than to see fatboy win skinnygirl’s heart. See fatboy run race. See dramatic setback in race when Mr. assy trips fatboy. See perseverance, determination, sweat, heart, faux “can he do it?” drama and even a metaphorical wall that blocks the fatboy's (and film’s) path. See happy ending where exhausted, near death fatboy doesn’t just slowly putter to the finish line but slowly putters in slow motion to the finish line!

If I have spoiled any of the gems in “Run Fatboy Run” then good, you have probably never seen a romantic comedy in your life; in which case I just spared you the trauma of making this lackluster training shoe of a movie your first. The fact that the fatboy in question ISN’T FAT is just one of a long list of comic head scratchers. The biggest is of course that the material is unoriginal and surprisingly dull. I throw out the adjective “surprising” because Simon Pegg (“Hot Fuzz,” “Shaun of the Dead” and the upcoming “Star Trek” movie) is a vital force in comedy today. So leave it to an American actor turned director (David Schwimmer... wha, wha, what!?) to render Pegg a minor comic hack with his "I luve you" platitudes and slapstick buffoonery. Examples of such nonsense include Pegg tripping! Pegg getting locked out of his house... for the third time! Pegg –bwahhaha– running in short shorts. Training scenes in which the stock Indian neighbor prods Pegg’s buttocks with a spatula to ensure his runs (no pun intended) go smoothly. Pegg getting a nasty runner’s rash and rubbing up against busty mannequins at work to alleviate an itch in –wait for it– “my SCROTAL zone.” And of course, upon getting caught, that comic beat ends with a shrug and the line “hey, I’m in the zone” (cue canned audience laughter). Too bad the film isn’t. Sure, there are a few sparks of random humor in moments where Pegg's subtle reactions yield minor yucks, but moments are not what I paid for. I paid for movements and only kinds of those this film has is the ones of the bowel variety.

“Run Fatboy Run” is so startlingly unoriginal that I thought for a moment that this might actually a parody of romantic clichés a la “Date Movie” and “Not Another Teen Movie.” But it's not. It's as if the film was written by Michael Ian Black (“Wet Hot American Summer,” “The Ten”) as a date flick parody and all the parody parts were left out... along with the comedy parts too. As such, this is an abysmal film that offers nothing new to the table. But worst of all, it also offers nothing particularly endearing, either; every now and again that’s all it takes to make trite material worthwhile as “Juno” proved last year. And finally, in terms of tone I would describe “Run Fatboy Run” as a Nick Hornby film without the wit or humor but all of the author’s literary vices such as saccerine sweetness and shaky denouements.

Run far, far away from this film.